Humor and Lateral Riddles (Mensa)
Life is like a roll of toilet paper,
the closer you get to the end,
the faster it goes.
Why do people who leave their estate to the Salvation Army
because no relative, lawyer, or government has anything to gain
when they die.
I work hard because millions of people
on welfare depend on me.
Better to let them wonder
why you didn't talk,
than why you did.
video clips to watch at her website
In comedy everything that is good is bad,
And everything that is bad is good.
If you say God is good that's not funny
but if you say Jonah was so bad
he made a whale puke, that's funny.
You will see this set-up on most every sitcom you watch.
God takes care of all his people on earth.
Have you thought of space exploration?
YouTube.com - Search = "Just for laughs" (short videos that will make you laugh out loud.)
One Liners: (Please read with a humorous spirit)
I'm not weird, I'm a limited edition.
The 10 Commandments is not a multiple choice question.
Don't judge me because I sin differently than you.
At my age Happy Hour is any hour spent above ground.
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
If you saw my family you would understand.
I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire.
Diplomacy: The art of telling someone to go to hell, and having them look forward to the trip.
If I'm not back in five minutes just wait longer.
Everything good in life is either illegal fattening or bad.
Do not disturb. I'm disturbed enough as it is.
I respect your opinion I just don't want to hear it.
You are about to exceed the limits of my medications.
All those who believe in Telekinesis, Raise My Hand.
My family is a freak show without the tent.
Shut-up, and let me practice my people skills.
Skipping down the Psycho path of life.
I reject your reality and substitute my own.
I dare you to picture me naked.
Panic, chaos, mayhem...my work is done here.
Being normal? ugh! I can't imagine how awful that would be.
I'm not lucky, I'm good.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Who will look after the world when I'm gone.
At your age you can still chase women but do you remember why?
I make retirement look good, don't I?
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask somebody else.
Take my advise, I'm not using it myself.
I smile because I have no idea what's going on.
Gone crazy, be back shortly.
Hypochondriacs make me sick.
I know it sounds like I'm in denial, but I'm NOT.
I'm the stuff legends are made of.
The spending will continue until the deficit improves.
Biker: a drunk liar in dirty clothes that plays with a large vibrator in public.
You don't get a body like this by working-out.
No GPS - get lost like a real man.
The nine most terrifying words in the English language: " I'm from the government and I'm here to help."
Fairness isn't giving my money to lazy people.
You know your getting old when happy hour is a nap.
Common sense - so rare, it's kinda like a superpower.
Even duct tape can't fix stupid; but it can muffle the sound.
Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.
I don't think I'm better than you, I'm just different in a better way.
I didn't break the rules, they were already broken when I got here.
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
I meant to behave but there were too many other options.
If people could read my mind ... I'd get punched in the face a lot.
Politicians and Diapers need to be changed often for the same reason.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don't worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
Lord, Give me patience - because if you give me strength, I'm gonna need bail money to go with it.
Some people are like Slinkies... they're really good for nothing ...but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
I don't know what just happened but it sounds awesome.
How to handle stress like a dog - If you can't eat it or play with it , then pee on it and walk away.
We are here on earth to help others.
What the others are here for;
I have no idea.
We would rather be ruined by praise,
than saved by criticism.
The trouble with some people is they won't admit their faults.
I'd admit mine---if I had any.
No Good Deed, Goes unpunished.
At least it seems that way in my life.
Will someone Please explain why.
Sex is a lot like money.
It's no big deal till you don't have any.
(Dr. Adrain Rodgers)
Real Estate is a lot like sex.
Get all you can when your young.
(Mrs. H. Cowley)
To the Non-believer:
Is there anything I could say that would make you not want to know God?
If yes, I won't say it.
If No, well then ...
Fun with Mathematics
The Perfect Companion,
A "BLT easy on Pumpernickel"
(Easy to Be with, easy to Look at, easy to Talk with, and easy to Pray with)
The difference between a clergyman and a layman is:
the clergyman gets paid for being good, and the layman is good for nothing.
A man went to the racetrack to make a mental bet, and lost his mind.
The braver the bird the fatter the cat.
Some people desire to please God as long as it doesn't offend the Devil.
When flying- You don't always have to go straight, but you do have to go forward.
Government rarely does something for you, before it has done something to you.
You have the rest of your life to be miserable, so enjoy today.
www.reverendfun.com for more fun and humor.
Lateral Thinking and Riddles
Please answer the questions based on the information provided.
1.A man was laying in the middle of a field with an unopened package, dead. How did he die?
2.A man walked into a bar, went to the counter, the bartender pulled a gun and pointed it at him, the man said thank you. Why?
3. A man lived on the 10th floor of the apt. Bldg., everyday he got on the elevator and went to the ground floor to go to work. When he came home in the evening he would take the same elevator to the 8th floor, then go up the stairs to the 10th floor. There was nothing wrong with the elevator and he didn't need the exercise, so why did he get off at the 8th floor?
4. A man marries twenty women in his village but isn't charged with polygamy. Why?
(I could use a ton of webspace here writing more of these Lateral Thinking Riddles but why reinvent the wheel. You can find all you want by doing a google search. This is my favorite form of humor. After you become familiar with the concept of the riddles the real challenge is to create new ones to share. See how many you can develop with a spiritual theme to share with others. If you come up with some really good ones please send me an email and share them with me. I would so appreciate it for I do enjoy them . Thanks, Solo)
1.His parachute didn't open.
2. He had the hiccups
3 He was a midget and couldn't reach the 10th floor button.
4. He was the pastor of the weddings